Gone to the Dogs!

By Lorraine Houston

My social life has literally gone to the dogs. Let me rephrase that - my social life is the dogs. Not sure when this happened or how, but it has been verified by three reliable sources; my husband and two sons. You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘social misfit’; well consider me a social “dogfit”. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just the way it is – or has become over the years. Let me clarify something right off, anyone and I mean anyone, who has ever loved a dog can be vulnerable to social “dogfit” transformation. It can happen so fast, you don’t even realize you have been transformed, so be careful.

Here are a few examples to watch for. If you find yourself in any of these situations, you are at risk of entering into social “dogfit”.

Your friends have asked you to join them for an evening at their home for dinner and perhaps a night of good conversation, a movie or a game of cards. You would love to go but you don’t want to leave Rover alone all night and besides, it would be nice to bring him along, he’s your buddy. You call your friends and ask if they mind if Rover comes with you. They respond by saying dogs are hairy, smelly and will be begging at the table while people are eating. You are stunned, thank them for the invite but decline the offer. Instead, you spend the evening watching CSI Miami repeats with Rover and an extra large pizza. You have a delightful time and think – who needs friends that don’t appreciate your dog?

You have two weeks of vacation time coming and are excitedly looking through the travel magazine. You and a friend have decided to do the ‘vacation thing’ together this year. Aruba, Bermuda or perhaps the Bahamas – any of them would surely be paradise. You flip through the glossy pages of sand and sun. You look over at Rover and know he will be just fine in the boarding kennel. It’s a nice spot, not Bermuda, but it’s okay. Maybe a dog sitter would be better. You put down the travel magazine and search the Internet for dog sitters. You hone in on a few and feel this is the better route to go. Rover can stay in his own home and the dog sitter will look after him just the way you do. You are satisfied with your executive decision and vow to call some of the sitters the next day. Just for the heck of it (since you are sitting at the computer anyway), you Google “dog friendly vacation getaways”. Wow, so many to choose from. Resorts, camp sites, bed and breakfasts and beachfront hotels that allow dogs. Sounds like a plan. You call your friend to pitch the idea of going to a dog friendly vacation place and are met with “you’re kidding right?”

You cancel the vacation with your friend and book a dog friendly cottage resort. You meet scads of new people – all who have dogs – have the time of your life hiking, swimming and watching Rover play with his new friends! You all agree to keep in touch and book the same time next year.

A neighbour drops by to talk to you about an upcoming yard sale the street is having. You are having trouble hearing her because your three dogs and the newest foster dog are all barking madly at the door. Needing to get them organized, you make a friendly hand motion to let her know you will be right back. You get all the dogs into the kitchen and close the door. Then, return to the neighbour to hear more about the street’s yard sale. As she is explaining, your foster dog is frantically scratching at the kitchen door. You try to concentrate on what she is saying, but need to go and get your foster dog before he either files his toenails off or digs a hole through the door. You excuse yourself again and come back holding Frankie the foster in your arms. He’s wearing a huge ear-to-ear grin, salivating and panting heavily from his door excavation work. Your neighbour, who is clearly not a ‘dog person’ looks somewhat frustrated but continues on about the upcoming street event. “Would you like to participate in the street sale next Saturday?” she asks. You try and think what is going on that weekend and remember you have a flyball tournament and will not be available for the street sale. Disappointed, you explain that you cannot participate because you are taking your dog to flyball that weekend. Looking somewhat relieved, your neighbour says good-bye and walks on to the next house. Later that week, you are at the dog park and hear from one of your doggy friends that you are the latest topic of conversation. Confused, yet intrigued, you ask to know more. Evidently, rumour has it that you are “the woman who runs the in home kennel and takes her dogs flying on the weekend”.

It’s Christmas time and you are really struggling for gift ideas. You log onto your favourite doggy web site and notice they have a link to ‘Christmas Gifts for Everyone on your List’. You follow the link and are taken into a world you never knew existed. Dog pajamas, hand bags, sweaters, umbrellas, jewelry, stationary, welcome mats and so much more! As if it couldn’t get any better – it does! For those with dogs, there are beds, designer leashes and collars, bowls, dogwear and toys and treats galore. You have found your one-stop Christmas shopping spot! You can’t wait to see your mother’s face when she opens up her “Scotty dog” pajamas. For dad a luxurious “Labrador” sweater and for sis a fine crafted jeweled pin in the shape of a poodle – you figure it’s so beautiful; she’ll surely wear it on her blouse to the office. The gifts are all so perfect you can hardly believe your luck. Won’t your family be delighted, not to mention surprised?! You call to place your order.

You and your spouse have just purchased your first house together. As a young married couple, it has taken several years of blood, sweat and tears to make it happen, not to mention saving and sacrifice, but you are at last living your dream. Granted, it needs some work, but nothing you can’t handle. The cozy three-bedroom home with the fenced garden has generated quite the excitement amongst the family. Your parents are eager to help you paint and paper and the in-laws have offered to purchase a new kitchen table and chairs. About 6 months later your house has become the home you envisioned. You call your parents and the in-laws to invite them over for dinner and “some big news”. After dinner, your mother can hardly contain herself any longer and pleads with you for the news you have been withholding. You and your spouse agree it’s time and run off to the computer room together giggling. The four parents sit at the new kitchen suite beaming. Moments later you return with a photograph and make the announcement. “We would like you to welcome the newest member to our little family; his name is going to be Dylan”. The parents begin a round of applause and your mother looks like she is going to be reduced to tears. You swing the picture around so your excited family can see the photo of the new addition. You proudly hold up “Dylan” who is a collie/shepherd /labrador mix you have adopted through a local rescue organization. You look proudly at your family who have suddenly paled and are looking extremely disappointed. “Oh, don’t worry, you can meet him on Tuesday, he just needed to be neutered first”.

An old college chum calls you for a good “catch up” dinner. You haven’t seen this friend for many years and can’t wait to hear all about family, career and reminisce about days gone by – it will surely be a great night out! You plan to meet at a pub for drinks and then go to a nearby restaurant. When you see each other it’s just like old times – you could just pick up where you left off. You order a couple of drinks and the conversation begins to flow. You talk about the kids, the job, the spouse, more on the kids, the micro-managing boss and, somewhere along the line, the discussion turns to pets. You tell your friend you have a great dog, a dog who has gone through three levels of obedience, knows a goodly number of ‘party tricks’ and is probably the best dog who ever lived. Your old friend scowls and shakes his head in disapproval. Not quite understanding what was up with the ‘look’ you ask if he has something against your dog in particular or all dogs in general. In an offhand manner he replies that dogs are a pain in the neck, are too much work, too hyper and needy and anyone who has one should really have their head examined. Getting a tad hot under the collar, you ask if he has ever had a dog before. Sure, he says – we got a puppy for the kids a few years ago and the thing chewed everything in sight including the TV remote, peed and pooped all over our new broadloom and never stopped whining. After a week of that *we put him outside but then he started barking and we got complaints from the neighbours. Trying to remain in control and refrain from pouring your drink over his head, you ask what happened to the puppy. “Not sure”, he says “kids left the gate open one day and never saw him again.” Your blood is now boiling to the point of popping a vessel. You can’t take it another second so you stand up, give him a piece of your mind (a very large piece!) and walk out. Back at home, an ecstatic Rover welcomes you through the door. “Just give me a minute boy, we’ll go for a nice walk, I just have to do something first”. You grab your Blackberry and delete all the contact information of your old college chum.

You have scrimped and saved for over a year to buy a car. You will miss your reading time on the TTC, but so be it – you can catch up on your reading at night. You have your heart set on a new car, nothing too fancy; a compact or small sedan will be just fine. When you get to the dealership, you see one that strikes your fancy. It’s a hatch back, rather sporty and seems roomy. The salesman is singing its praises and laying it on bit thick but you are impressed. You envision yourself and Rover rolling down the highway on the way to an agility trial. In the past, you have been limited to the number of trials you have been able to enter – no wheels will have that effect. Soon, you and Rover will be free as the birds to go wherever you please. Agility trials are only the beginning; you can now drive to the family cottage (without listening to your brother complain about Rover’s hot breath), visit friends, the pet supply store and hit as many late night drive thrus as your hearts desire – how cool is that?! You get into the car and get behind the wheel. It’s a tad smaller than you thought but once you move your seat back, you have the legroom you need. Looking behind into the back area, you notice that space is somewhat limiting. The seats are quite small and there is not a lot of headspace. Rover is a 70-pound shepherd/border collie mix and has quite a long body. You get out of the front seat and climb into the back seat and try to sit like a dog on the seat; you are right - there is not enough headroom. The salesman is starting to look at you strangely, so you explain that you have to have room for your dog to sit with a safety harness in the back seat. He tells you not to worry, you can just flip the car into hatch mode and there will be lots of room for Rover. You are mortified that he would suggest you drive with your dog unbelted, but how would he know? You decide to give him the “what every salesman needs to know about car and dog safety” educational message. He’s now avoiding eye contact with you, backing up and looking at his watch. You finish up by telling him although you like the look of the car, it’s not the one for you. He tells you it’s no problem, wishes you good luck on finding the right car and runs off. That weekend you find the perfect used mini van; lots of space for Rover plus additional room for agility equipment, camping gear or extra passengers if anyone needs a lift to a trial with their dog. No vehicle is complete without bumper stickers. You have chosen two – My Dog Jumps for Joy (he’s an agility dog) and There aren’t enough homes for them all. After you have affixed them to your back bumper you step back proudly to examine the “whole picture”. Now that is impressive – you and Rover are now ready for your first ever drive-thru experience!

These are but a very few examples that indicate you are entering social dogfitdom. If one or more of these scenarios (or dog forbid –all of the above) are familiar to you, it’s too late, you ARE a social dogfit.

I will tell you this now; the phenomenon can not be reversed. Once you have become a social dogfit there is no returning, you only go deeper into dogness. On the bright side, rest assured, you are not alone. There are many of us out here; it’s just a matter of finding each other. But you don’t have to look very far, your dog will guide you to us and we will unite. That sounds like it could be the start something, like a new social club – Dogfits United – I’m on it.

Lorraine Houston is a feature writer for Dogs, Dogs, Dogs! and an evaluator for Therapeutic Paws of Canada and St. John Ambulance Therapy Dogs. She is director of Speaking of Dogs, an organization devoted to education, outreach and rescue. A Maxwell Award winner from Dog Writers Assoc. of America, Lorraine lives in Don Mills with her husband, two sons and family dogs. She may be contacted at 416-444-4190 or lhh4dogs@rogers.com